“It’s not something to just casually dive into. Sound intriguing? Before you commence the spanking, you have some prep to do. It's critical to negotiate a Dom/sub relationship that works for everyone. There needs to be equal give and take, and “only equals can negotiate the giving and receiving of consent and boundaries so everyone approaches this on equal planes,” says Lilithfoxx. “Being Dominant is different than being an asshole, and being submissive is different than being a doormat,” says sex educator Beth Darling, founder of, and a romantic and sexual submissive. It’s not just about letting someone do whatever they want to you, even though it can kind of look like that. But submission can often be misunderstood. Basically, you let your Dominant partner (aka, your “Dom”) take the reins while you get to follow their lead and enjoy the experience, whatever you agreed it would be. “As a submissive, I can tell you firsthand it is extremely hot to be kept in suspense about what will happen next, or to be put in a position where all you can do is respond and experience pleasure,” says Lori Beth Bisbey, PhD, a psychologist and sex and intimacy coach. Submission can also be a great path for people who find it hard to get out their head during sex.

Being submissive can be a highly-charged experience that can take you to new places, and according to sexologist and inclusivity consultant Lilithfoxx, “it can be one of the most empowering and sexy experiences-when informed consent is present all around.” So what, exactly, is submissive sex? Well, it’s all in the name: It’s when one person submits to their Dominant sexual partner, and it can be “both physical (with specific positions and poses) and cerebral (in mental submission and surrender), or a combination of both!” says Lilithfoxx. Submissive sex-and these submissive sex positions-play with that surrender and take it even further. Even just being naked and losing yourself in an orgasm in front of someone is a big freaking deal. There are elements of surrender in almost all sexual encounters.

Sexual domination positions